WhaHappen?

I’m a shoe voyeur with a weakness for cute, sexy shoes. The displays in the department stores make me fantasize about actually putting them on and struttin’ around. They’re like mini-stilts for my 5′5 frame and I feel thinner suddenly after adding a few inches to my height. I breathlessly check out shoes in the Neiman Marcus catalog, holding up the pages like centerfolds and biting my lower lip; my longing hands wanting to strap on those 3-inch heels.

For comfort’s sake, I never allow myself the pleasure of fashionable shoes. Because I walk alot during work, sometimes uphill, on stairs, across vast parking lots, and long hallways, footwear with sex appeal is sadly out of the question.

A few weeks ago, I was on the 5th floor at the courthouse during a planned evacuation drill. Everyone was instructed to take the stairs to the ground floor. An attorney, wearing gorgeous high heeled black leather knee-high boots that I was just admiring, started whimpering every other step, “Ow-ow-ow.” I felt so helpless, knowing her toes, sentenced to 4 more floors of tortured constriction, were pleading for clemency.

So when I saw this video earlier this year, I always felt better that:
1) I have medical insurance to cover podiatric injuries, and
2) I’ll never be tall, sexy, and footwear-fashion-wearing enough to suffer runway humiliation.

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Thankfully NOT the Latest Fashion: 3-Legged Pants