I Wish My Parents Were Young Again

Why Do Our Parents Have to Get Old?

January 19th, 2009 · No Comments

When my 11 year-old son was about 5, we were sharing a tender mother/son moment as I looked into his innocent eyes. I was holding his hand and telling him I didn’t realize having a boy would be so cool; after all, I churned out 3 funny daughters in a row. Instead of enjoying a smug moment in the center of his mom’s universe, he was scrutinizing my hand in his little palm. This is what I heard next (record-scratch sound effect), “Mom, your hands look so old.”

I was dumbfounded. I didn’t know whether to run for the hand lotion or explain that Mommy’s got rough-looking hands because that #%&@ father of his never does the dishes, pulls the weeds, or scrubs the toilets. So, I simply forced a weak smile and reassured my (not-so-charmingly) observant little Ryan that even though Mommy is getting old, he’ll always be her little boy. But, due to his blunt in-your-face reminder of my impending middle-agedness, I felt like adding: “Now go clean up your room before you feel the sting of my wretchedly wrinkled hand smacking your behind!”

When we’re young, we automatically think our parents are so Stone Age. I remember when my parents were in their early 40’s, which is where my husband and I are now. Back then, they seemed so un-cool and clueless to me, the typical teenager. I’m pretty sure my 14 year-old daughter has pegged me as a totally embarrassing, un-hip, overly concerned P.O.S – the #2 definition in the Urban Dictionary, NOT #1 please.

But as we get older (which obviously manifests itself in our shriveled hands), we start thinking about own parents’ lives and painfully, we consider their “twilight years.” There’s no getting around the fact that we’re getting older, therefore, our parents are certainly not remaining any younger.

It’s really difficult to face this sad reality. Especially as we become adults in our 40’s and 50’s and we can clearly remember our parents when they were our age. It’s as if we can suddenly relate to them as real human beings, with dreams and passions, everything we allow for ourselves at our current age. I guess when I was in my teens and 20’s, I was too busy to notice that my parents were actually hard-working, but fun-loving people trying to provide for their children.

Today I went to visit my parents. They live an hour away, so actually I can visit them as often as I feel like fighting traffic and dealing with L.A. road rage. It’s really hard (lump is forming in my throat as I write this) to see my once-gregarious Mom, 90 lbs. and silent, sitting there in her usual chair. She’s only 73, but unfortunately has suffered alot of serious health setbacks and hospitalizations, especially in the last 5 years.

Mom, who never smoked, now uses an oxygen tank and should use her hearing aid, which would minimize my having to speak loudly (without appearing hostile) and slowly (without sounding like a non-native English speaker) along with mime-like gestures (without being mistaken for Marcel Marceau).

After a while, she started chatting about the Presidential inauguration and how it’s costing $150 million to put on, and then she smoothly segued into her own news expose of my dad’s free-spending ways (her favorite topic). She actually got really animated and alert. I once again saw my Mom’s trademark spark and sense of humor. Mom, being an unrepentant Lakers fan, also mentioned that they were playing tonight and how my Dad doesn’t like them anymore (for the 200th time) because they’ve lost 2 games in a row.

I lingered on Mom’s every word and studied her aged face. It’s hard for me to feel like I’m still a kid when I don’t see the same Mom I used to see jaunting off to work in the morning. I don’t see the same Mom who used to be game for anything, be it an impulsive weekend getaway to Vegas or a last minute family get-together at a restaurant, or her memorable trips to Washington D.C. and to Europe.

I wish my parents didn’t have to get old right before my eyes. It seemed like it happened overnight. But I guess I should have been paying more attention over the years and I would’ve noticed that they stopped traveling and started going to the doctor more often. Well, now I’m definitely more attentive, almost hoping that if I just sit there quietly and stare, I can bring back my mom’s youth, at least how I remember her in my mind.