WhaHappen?

It’s almost St. Patrick’s Day, which means, if my memory from my days of singlehood serves me well, it’s a perfect opportunity to go out, have a rollicking good time celebrating — and hopefully meet someone who puts a twinkle in your eyes. So I wanted to help out anyone who’s saying to themselves right now, “Marissa, I could use a little help from my friends. Tell me, oh Wise Oracle, the secrets to approaching a girl/guy and look like I know what I’m doing?”

Well, I certainly was wise enough to hand over the reins to the expert for this post, by which I mean – Eduardo Pasaoa, Pick-Up Artist Extraordinaire, and young, talented illustrator who resides in Toronto, Ontario, Canada. I was really lucky to find a mentor in The Flirt Field to write a guest post today. I mentioned to Eduardo that for Valentine’s Day I posted a How to Flirt Guide. So, assuming that you’ve been practicing your skills since then, you are now ready, Flirt Jedi-in-the-making, for…The Approach.

Sensei Master of Come Hitherness, Eduardo, hereby presents 3 tips each for every boy and girl looking to hook up on St. Patrick’s Day. Take copious notes, my friends, and get back to me with your results (after your predicted hangover, of course).

For the girl who wants to do the approaching:

1) The girl must show confidence. Men like it when girls who make the first moves appear assertive and in control of the situation. It makes the guys at ease and completely interested. Make sure you don’t come off as over-the-top-I’m-so-hot-you-can’t-have-me type of girl, because that would give the wrong signal to the guys. Instead, approach like you already know he’s interested and you’re just there to make the whole thing a whole lot easier for him.

2) Compliment him on what he’s wearing, flatter him, show that you’re interested. Believe it or not, from a guy’s perspective, if an attractive, confident woman approaches the guy as such, he’d be thinking “Damn! This be my lucky day!” It would definitely make you stand out, out of all the other girls in mind, since you approached the guy with such assertiveness and boldness, leveling up your attraction value

3) Do it up alone. When approaching a guy, make sure it’s just you doing it and not you doing it with a best friend tagging along giggling right behind you. If you do need a wing-girl (or guy), do so if the target is surrounded by friends, and have her/him intercept all forms of interruptions that could potentially ruin your approach. If he’s alone, best work your magic when you’re alone too. It would take the pressure off of him and would allow him to open up to you easier as well.

To summarize, it’s important that when making these approaches, you show the guy that you’re interested. If you’re confident enough that the guy likes you too, pass him your number as well, and leave with a smile on your face. Girls that approached me in the past did that and it worked! It’s actually not that bad when a girl approaches a guy, since not many of them do it. Making the first move would automatically make you stand out, increasing the chances of you getting the guy you want.

For guys who want to do the approaching:

1) Make yourself look interesting. A friend of mine had a good point that made me think alot about the dynamics in the dating scene, which definitely emphasized how important it is to be interesting. He stated that, in comparison between men and women, women get approached a whole lot more than men. With that said, they have probably seen the same old approaches with the same old tactics and the same old canned-lines. In order to stand out, you have to approach it differently that is unique to you — Show that you’re funny but also can carry on great and interesting conversations.

What worked with me and how I got my current girlfriend was that I came up to her friends first at a cafe and asked if I could interview them for an assignment piece I was doing (but as I said this, I was looking directly at her at times to get her to notice). As I continued talking to her friends, I slowly shifted the conversation and focused on her entirely by saying “hey, I don’t think I know you, perhaps you can help me with this interview?” She then participated, but instead of making it a boring-as-usual interview, I turned it into a fun I-want-to-get-to-know-you conversation. Whatever she said, I would try to make her laugh and smile with ease and have fun. I got to see her another day by showing the completed piece, and she laughed and thought it was cute. From there, it was smooth sailing! (Not to mention there were other guys that wanted to get with her for 3-4 months and I made it happen in less than 4 weeks.) So making yourself interesting DOES make you stand out and increases a chance of success, if handled properly!

2) Show that you can lead. If you want to get to know a girl, you have to take the steps required to make her comfortable in talking to you. Remember to keep it at her pace though, you don’t want to scare her off if you move way to quickly. Instead, be smooth, attentive, and confident. If your conversations are running dry or you are feeling a bit nervous, cater to them with something that would spark their interest and roll from there.

3) Be comfortable. If you’re a shy type and you’re constantly fidgeting, you’ll make the girl uneasy. If you’re too obnoxious, it could turn her off. Relax, and be at ease. A girl reacts directly to your body language. So make sure you maintain your confidence as you talk to her, smile to ease the tensions (which will have her smile back at you), and focus on making her feel comfortable. Great conversations and the pace of these conversations come from the amount of comfort you build.

In short, to show women that you’re interested without coming off as a jerk, you have to show that you can be boyfriend material: can you make her feel at ease, have fun, and lead? If you get turned down, don’t do what most guys do and become a jerk (as if THAT would change her mind), simply smile and accept it with confidence and be a gentleman about it.

(Back to Marissa) — So there you have it, your follow-up assignment to the original How to Flirt post. Special thanks again to Eduardo Pasaoa, whose artistic talent can viewed at his site at See Wha?!

You now have 48 hours until St. Patrick’s Day gets underway. Stand in front of a mirror, check your grooviness, wink and do the double-fingerpoint, and always have fun!

PS – If you have anything further to add (or questions to put out for any reader to answer), feel free to enlighten the rest of us just for fun. I, for one, feel that if I’m ever single again, will just have to pray that someone takes pity on me at the local lost-love-shelter and adopt me for their own.

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