Enjoy Sam Cooke’s “Another Saturday Night”
I was leaving the Metropolitan Courthouse when a guy politely held the door open for me. I cheerfully thanked him and went on my merry way, while he walked in the opposite direction. A few seconds later, I heard a loud echo-ey, “How you doin?!”
Certain that no one’s hollering at me, I kept walking. Then came a second, even louder “How you doin?!!!” I turned around and it’s Mr. Door-Holder waving enthusiastically in my direction. I looked behind me in case his best friend’s ghost just happened to be near me.
Oh my god he’s talking to me, I screamed silently. For you see, from his appearance, he was clearly a Defendant-Out-of-Custody (i.e. out on bail). When he held the door open, I think his wrists still bore the imprints of tight handcuffs.
So there he was, smiling and trying to exchange pleasantries across 70 feet of no barb wire or land mines. Not even gum on the sidewalk (or marbles) to delay his attack. I quickly went to my default “Sorry, kinda busy right now” move – I grabbed my cell phone and pretended I was taking a call and put my “be-widja-in-a-second” finger up. Bad move. The sight of the cell phone prompted his next callout: “Can I get your phone number?” (I was thinking, “Yeah, I’ll just dial it for you. 9-1-1″)
I gave him that “Please don’t murder me, Mr. Defendant” look and yelled back, “I’m married!” And for good measure, displayed my ring hand. I should’ve thrown down some rival gang signs while I was at it. Mr. D understood, nodded, and walked away. I guess I’ll never know what could have been…(sigh). Just sayin’.
A glimpse of what could have been my Defendant Baby:
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17 kids playing along so far ↓
1 Joe
// Apr 11, 2009 at 2:59 am
You should remember the phone number of “dial-a-prayer”, the next time something like this happens.
Joe’s last blog post..Dinah Shore:
2 Chris
// Apr 11, 2009 at 5:00 am
Oh no. You missed out. Well I hope your husband appreciates how lucky he is … you could have had a jail bird to play with!
Chris’s last blog post..Thumbtack Thursday is in the toilet
3 marissa
// Apr 11, 2009 at 7:58 am
Joe: Hahah – dial-a-prayer! That could come in handy even when I DO need a date.
Chris: Yep. I think about how I could have had one of those family portraits where we’d all be wearing matching horizontal black-and-white stripes.
4 grannyann
// Apr 11, 2009 at 8:09 am
How weird he waited till you both walked off to speak. Do you think he finally thought he knew you?
grannyann’s last blog post..The Legend of the Sand Dollar
5 Shawn
// Apr 11, 2009 at 10:04 am
Another opportunity down the drain. You guys could have gone thievin’ together
Shawn’s last blog post..Greg Duberson’s Easter Sale
6 ReformingGeek
// Apr 11, 2009 at 10:10 am
That’s funny. Run away screaming. What is with guys? Sometimes I think I’m a magnet for weirdos or old dudes. Not that I’m a spring chicken, but hey, a girl can dream, right?
ReformingGeek’s last blog post..Cooking Up the Thursday Trio
7 marissa
// Apr 11, 2009 at 10:55 am
Grannyann: I think even Defendants can be really shy at first. When they’re practicing the bank holdup in front of a mirror, they probably stumble over their words a few times. And maybe giggle.
Shawn: Aah, partners in crime – always a romantic notion. But then it always comes down to splittin’ the loot. Just like real marriage.
ReformingGeek: Hell yeah we can dream. Let’s say it together: COUGAR. Grrrrowllll…
8 dani
// Apr 11, 2009 at 2:28 pm
SOunded creepy !!! Ewww
dani’s last blog post..Huh ?
9 dizzblnd
// Apr 11, 2009 at 4:12 pm
I HATE those stalker type creeks.. Your baby would have been adorable though!
Thanks for the visit
dizzblnd’s last blog post..My warped mind
10 Bartholomew Woods
// Apr 11, 2009 at 8:46 pm
You missed out on a great opportunity.
Next time, impersonate Robert De Niro.
You talkin’ to me?
You talkin’ to me?
You talkin’ to me?
Then who the hell else are you talkin’ to?
You talkin’ to me?
Well I’m the only one here.
Who the f**k do you think you’re talking to?
Bartholomew Woods’s last blog post..High School Hits — Grade 12
11 Carpe Diem
// Apr 11, 2009 at 8:51 pm
Marissa,
What a creep! He most likely assumed that you were an attorney (based on the power suit, cell phone and bag), and was gonna hit you up to see if you could take his case pro bono….
CD
12 marissa
// Apr 11, 2009 at 9:31 pm
Dani: Yeah – major creepazoid!
dizzblnd: That’s my 14 year-old daughter Jordan as the Baby D. As a juvenile, she’s got high-risk potential to become the Defendant Child after all.
Bart: LOL. Perfect!! I could’ve done the turning around gesture and everything. Damn, I hope I see him again. Lol.
CD: Hahahahah. Pro bono as in Freebono?? Nawh baby, this girl here, she don’t come cheap. Not only would I PRETEND to be an attorney, I’d have charge his ass double the usual fees, just for asking.
Hey that reminds me, when are we going for a spin in your Mercedes?
13 Otin
// Apr 12, 2009 at 4:25 pm
I seem to be a person that attracts crazy people like a magnet. If you put me in a line with a thousand people and asked a psycho to pick out one person to talk to, I would be that person. I just read your comment on my blog, somehow I must have overlooked your reply. Happy Easter!
14 marissa
// Apr 12, 2009 at 8:34 pm
Otin: I guess we should consider this “magnetism” as a gift. It’s always good blog fodder.
15 ListenToLeon
// Apr 12, 2009 at 11:59 pm
HILARIOUS! This reminds me of that guy from MadTV who used to harass women all the time
http://listentoleon.net/index.php/2009/01/19/dedicated-to-tracy/
lol
ListenToLeon’s last blog post..Obama Family: “Rewind Selector! Bo! Bo! Bo!”
16 Old School
// Apr 13, 2009 at 9:04 am
I guess you should be flattered? I was hearing the Joey from Friends “How you doin’?” when I was reading your story.
One of the many good uses for a wedding ring… scare off creepy guys.
17 marissa
// Apr 13, 2009 at 11:27 am
Leon: LMAO – that’s right. I saw that on your site once. Too funny: “Can I have your number, can I have it, so can I, can I have it?”
Old School: Yeah, except Joey was charming. I need a ring that shoots poison darts!
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