There she was, a toddler, cute as a daisy with her long, brown hair and chubby cheeks. The adorable Little Angel turned around to face me. I smiled at her loveliness. Then she stuck her tongue out at me! Frickin’ Demon Spawn!!
I have ALWAYS been able to make little kids giggle; well, of course – they think I’m one of them! I couldn’t believe Lil Sh*t (that’s her future rapper name). It was 8:30 in the morning on the Amtrak on my way to a soul-sucking job. I sure as hell didn’t need this crap from someone less than 2 feet tall.
I mad-dogged her but she didn’t flinch. Those deceptively innocent-looking, doll eyes hid the evil within. She ran up and down the train car. All that screeching, screaming, and thumping so damn early in the morning – just like my honeymoon.
Little Miss Tyrant came back with another can of whoop-ass and Round Two of sticking her devil-tongue at me. She didn’t scare me at all, while I quickly fashioned a crucifix with whatever I could find in my purse.
I just wanted to grab her hair and punt her off the train at the next stop. Everyone would have high-fived and done The Wave. Meanwhile, Worthless Mama was too busy sleeping to perform a much-needed exorcism.
Then, for a moment, the Demon-Child stood quiet and motionless in the aisle, with her arms slightly away from her sides for balance, while the train rocked hypnotizingly back and forth. I waited for her to levitate as I reached for my camera. While the train rolled to a gentle stop, she looked around slowly; her head turning all the way. Then suddenly – the train lurched a little. And SHE TOPPLED OVER hard onto her side! WIN!! I was in Guffaw City!
So then the conductor announced “last call” for the Snack Shop just before Union Station. Mama finally got off her lazy ass and they both slithered downstairs for a minute. The Possessed One came back holding a bag of Skittles and was standing in the aisle again. By now, she was fussy and clumsy. So what if she sustained a head injury.
So I’m watching her, fingers crossed that she’d tip over again. Instead, she accidentally turned her bag of Skittles over and all the colorful balls fell out onto the floor. It was a magical moment for me, seeing all those bead-like candies come down like a rainbow waterfall. And the girl let out a pained, disappointed wail, “Oh nooo…!!”
I snickered behind my newspaper, knowing the Snack Shop was now closed.
I LOVE KARMA. 
Do you think bratty little kids eventually outgrow it or do they just become horrible adults? Do you know any jerk adult who must have been an a-hole as a kid?
22 kids playing along so far ↓
1 Shawn
// Apr 22, 2009 at 10:16 am
I know my bratty brother grew out of it. He wasn’t so much bratty, really, as just really hyperactive. He used to sit on his knees facing the couch and then just bounce his head off the couch for hours.
Weirdest 15 year old I ever knew.
Shawn’s last blog post..Ouija: Let The Right One In
2 grannyann
// Apr 22, 2009 at 10:44 am
I was tripped in a drug store by a running child, fell and damaged by shoulder which hurt for a year. I blame a lot of parents for their satanic children. They just don’t care. You see it every day. A lot of it is parents are afraid to spank a child. Believe me when I was a kid if I was bad and my dad spanked me I never did whatever again. And I don’t ever feel like I was abused. My kids got spankings and they turned out wonderful.
grannyann’s last blog post..he nailed this one right on the head……
3 C.B.Jones
// Apr 22, 2009 at 11:40 am
Jerk adults were good kids who had to deal with those brats in grade school. It’s purely a revenge type deal.
C.B.Jones’s last blog post..Random Tuesday: *Your Ad Here*
4 The Constant Complainer
// Apr 22, 2009 at 11:41 am
Great comments. A lady I know always says, “The karma will get you.” You know what -she’s right. LOL.
5 alantru
// Apr 22, 2009 at 11:53 am
Hahahaha! You have untapped psychic powers that you will want to explore. I suspect that whole Skittles spill thing was thanks to your growing powers of telekinesis. Study hard, and the children of the world shall learn to fear Mighty Marissa — Telekinetic Queen!
Yes, it’s up to you to save humanity. Go! Mighty Marissa, go!
(P.S. Can’t imagine what kind of sugar overdrive the kid would have gone into if she drained the pack of Skittles. Way to save the day!)
alantru’s last blog post..Party Monster Mike
6 C
// Apr 22, 2009 at 12:37 pm
hi marissa… first time leavin a comment on your bloggy. cute pic of you as a girl.
yep, there are those demon kids EVERYWHERE. while it is my first gut impulse to pulverize them all, i cant. i cant bring myself to bop a brat even when they are SO obnoxious i wanna pick my nose and fling it at ‘em.
i stare them down then watch as their demon eyes melt into sadness because they are certainly not getting their needs met by anyone. the little girl in me recognises the pain and starvation for attention and says a prayer for the kid that one day they will understand they werent bad, they were just flailing in response because their parents didnt either care enough or know enough to meet their needs and give them attention.
the fact that demon kids are everywhere, doesnt say too much about todays parenting, does it…?
it’s sad.
C
7 Bee
// Apr 22, 2009 at 1:20 pm
I was at the Laundromat Monday and there was this pint sized little girl just running back and forth. At one point I came out of the aisle with my cart full of clothes and almost knocked right into her. The mom was just folding away not caring her kid almost got run over. I don’t know why people think public places are a child free for all.
I doubt they out grow it, become bad mannered annoying adults who breed worse kids.
BTW, “screeching, screaming, and thumping so damn early in the morning – just like my honeymoon.”
BWAHAHAHAHA!!
8 marissa
// Apr 22, 2009 at 1:29 pm
Shawn: I don’t mind hyper kids because usually they’re just seeking entertainment – like me. Bouncing head off couch is harmless. Better than bouncing head off protruding nails on the wall.
GrannyAnn: Too bad you didn’t trip that running child first. And then run her/him over with the shopping cart. I don’t know why kids think legs are for running. They’re for stilts and powering unicycles!
C.B. Jones: You’re right. I think some of my previous bosses were infected by bratty kids during grade school.
Constant Complainer: Karma – it’s a beautiful thing. Lately I think the evil powers are trying to steal my good juju. I see a pattern in some of my posts (The Elevator Attack, The Dating Defendant, The Farting Friend on the Train).
Alantru: You got it! I DID feel like I caused the girl to fall over and to spill her candy. I can overcome all evil. Bring it on. I’m strongest after a good nap.
C: YES – Booger wars – I’m in! It’s true what you say about some of these sad kids. But… the girl hurt my feelings…really bad. She drew First Blood! I’ll be ready next time with a big hard booger – and I’m aiming for the parent first.
9 marissa
// Apr 22, 2009 at 1:36 pm
Bee: Yep, I see those bad-mannered adults breeding a generation of foul kids. I see them at the police station all the time.
I like kids, being one myself. If this little girl had been charming, I would have bought her all kinds of candy, a balloon, a beer, taken her to the fair, and funded her college education.
10 dizzblnd
// Apr 22, 2009 at 3:20 pm
I am living proof that bratty kids become obnoxious adults.. ok no I’m not..
I think eventually they outg row it.
dizzblnd’s last blog post..Is that an evil monkey in your closet or your parents having sex?
11 Otin
// Apr 22, 2009 at 4:09 pm
Most children are just cute versions of people that you will probably hate in 20 years!
Otin’s last blog post..Wordless Wednessday # 3
12 marissa
// Apr 22, 2009 at 6:55 pm
Dizzblnd: I sure hope they do because, otherwise, that’s all we need are more jerks in the grown-up world.
Otin: So sad huh? Do you think Manson was a cute kid once? Or Dahmer? *shudders at thought*
13 Jim @ CoolStuffForDads.com
// Apr 22, 2009 at 7:41 pm
Some people (and kids) no matter how much you try, are never (or rarely) happy. Good for you for trying to be nice. Sometimes that’s all you can do.
Jim @ CoolStuffForDads.com’s last blog post..Another Gift Idea for Him on Earth Day
14 ReformingGeek
// Apr 22, 2009 at 8:26 pm
Beware, Demon Spawn Child, if you are in front of me in a race and won’t let me pass or you are weaving in and out of the pack, going sideways, backwards, etc. I snickered inside when I saw your shoelaces untied!
ReformingGeek’s last blog post..It’s Not a Bucket but I May Get Wet!
15 marissa
// Apr 22, 2009 at 8:58 pm
Jim: I always say to myself, “Next time I’m going to be prepared [for whatever weird thing happens where I'm the target]“, but I never am.
ReformingGeek: LOL. I can totally picture that!
16 Chris
// Apr 22, 2009 at 9:10 pm
Haha. Take that demon face. Well done to you though on restraining yourself.
I think I would ‘accidently’ stuck my foot out and tripped the little devil.
Chris’s last blog post..Get your c*ck out
17 Jim @ CoolStuffForDads.com
// Apr 22, 2009 at 9:51 pm
Marissa: I know what you mean …
Jim @ CoolStuffForDads.com’s last blog post..Another Gift Idea for Him on Earth Day
18 Bartholomew Woods
// Apr 22, 2009 at 10:46 pm
“All that screeching, screaming, and thumping so damn early in the morning – just like my honeymoon. ”
Made me laugh out loud!
Screeching? Can’t wait to read THAT blog entry!
Bartholomew Woods’s last blog post..Fast Forward
19 marissa
// Apr 23, 2009 at 6:36 am
Chris: Believe me, I wanted to. At the very least I should have hissed at her and made clawing movements. And maybe walk by her mother’s face and fart.
Bartholomew Woods: Well, okay, I exaggerated. I actually meant “whimpering.”
20 Betty
// Apr 23, 2009 at 2:46 pm
Theres a little girl at my daughters daycare that might actually be the most evil child on earth. I don’t think she’ll grow out of it as her mother doesn’t have the best disposition either.
You know I wasn’t a nice kid… so I’ve been told and now I’m the nicest person I know without friends.
21 Carpe Diem
// Apr 23, 2009 at 4:08 pm
I think bratty kids do outgrow this type of behavior. The reason being is they are so tired of getting their butts kicked by other kids in response to their obnoxious behavior.
Bratty kids that are now jerk adults include the cast of reality shows such as the “The Real Housewives of Orange County, New York, etc.”
What a bunch of whiney witches…
22 marissa
// Apr 23, 2009 at 6:58 pm
Betty: A little holy water might do the trick for that little girl. Lol – “the nicest person without friends.” You know, there must be a song in there somewhere.
Carpe Diem: Oh I totally agree about those shows. I’ve never watched them, but I’ve heard. Wah wah wah!
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