WhaHappen?

There she was, a toddler, cute as a daisy with her long, brown hair and chubby cheeks. The adorable Little Angel turned around to face me. I smiled at her loveliness. Then she stuck her tongue out at me! Frickin’ Demon Spawn!!

I have ALWAYS been able to make little kids giggle; well, of course – they think I’m one of them! I couldn’t believe Lil Sh*t (that’s her future rapper name). It was 8:30 in the morning on the Amtrak on my way to a soul-sucking job. I sure as hell didn’t need this crap from someone less than 2 feet tall.

I mad-dogged her but she didn’t flinch. Those deceptively innocent-looking, doll eyes hid the evil within. She ran up and down the train car. All that screeching, screaming, and thumping so damn early in the morning – just like my honeymoon.

Little Miss Tyrant came back with another can of whoop-ass and Round Two of sticking her devil-tongue at me. She didn’t scare me at all, while I quickly fashioned a crucifix with whatever I could find in my purse.

I just wanted to grab her hair and punt her off the train at the next stop. Everyone would have high-fived and done The Wave. Meanwhile, Worthless Mama was too busy sleeping to perform a much-needed exorcism.

Then, for a moment, the Demon-Child stood quiet and motionless in the aisle, with her arms slightly away from her sides for balance, while the train rocked hypnotizingly back and forth. I waited for her to levitate as I reached for my camera. While the train rolled to a gentle stop, she looked around slowly; her head turning all the way. Then suddenly – the train lurched a little. And SHE TOPPLED OVER hard onto her side! WIN!! I was in Guffaw City!

So then the conductor announced “last call” for the Snack Shop just before Union Station. Mama finally got off her lazy ass and they both slithered downstairs for a minute. The Possessed One came back holding a bag of Skittles and was standing in the aisle again. By now, she was fussy and clumsy. So what if she sustained a head injury.

So I’m watching her, fingers crossed that she’d tip over again. Instead, she accidentally turned her bag of Skittles over and all the colorful balls fell out onto the floor. It was a magical moment for me, seeing all those bead-like candies come down like a rainbow waterfall. And the girl let out a pained, disappointed wail, “Oh nooo…!!”

I snickered behind my newspaper, knowing the Snack Shop was now closed.
I LOVE KARMA.

Do you think bratty little kids eventually outgrow it or do they just become horrible adults? Do you know any jerk adult who must have been an a-hole as a kid?

Hi everyone. On Monday (tomorrow) I’m hanging out at Chris’s blog:
The Afternoon Break. I’m so flattered that he asked to interview me. You see, I’m a huge fan of his and I’ll tell you why.

The first post I read of his was “Being An Adult Is Boring, Let’s Go Eat Lollies.” Was that kismet or what? So then I read a few more of his hilarious stuff such as his first Thumbtack Thursday post. It was a random collection of things he experienced that week, like slipping on a piece of ham. And I like how Chris sees the humor even in typical annoyances, like IKEA’s return policy.

So after reading and guffawing through alot of his posts, I told Husband Jace, it’s weird because if I were an Australian guy in my 20′s – and funnier, I’d actually be this guy Chris – because we think alike about certain things. Jace kinda squirmed at the thought of me being a guy in my 20′s and quickly changed the subject like a manly man would.

So pop on over to The Afternoon Break. Do me a favor and try to stay awake while reading my responses to his questions. And if you can answer the following, then you’ll be my Best Friend FOREVER, which is really how long I plan to live:

“How Can You Tell If I Really Like You?”
HINT: The answer is embedded in the interview. Sorry – I forgot to say that. Tee hee.

Shawn at The Shark Tank wrote a post about some of the games we used to play as kids with folded paper, such as the fortune-tellers and paper footballs. It all brought back memories of how, as kids, it was so easy for us to amuse ourselves.

So here’s my list of fun, carefree things I used to do as a kid, and I still do, except #6 and #18. What – did you think all this time that I’m all talk and no action? #21 should be “Kung Fu takedown all non-believers!” Look, there’s no reason we can’t do these activities now, even as so-called grown-ups. So if you have to break out the oil can and lube up those creaky joints, try some of these things:

1. Climb a tree
2. Fly a kite
3. Jump rope while friends are turning the rope, not solo
4. Bury yourself in the sand with just your head sticking out
5. Play Jacks
6. Any of these races: Wheelbarrow, 3-Legged, Sack
7. Hopscotch
8. Skateboard
9. Skate
10. Hula Hoop
11. Walk on stilts
12. Ride a pogostick
13. Climb the monkey bars
14. Play Thumbs
15. Do Pat-a-Cake or any hand-clapping games
16. Do a handstand, headstand or cartwheel
17. Jump up high and try to touch something up there, usually protruding like a hanging sign
18. Build a fort in the livingroom
19. Push ‘n Ride a shopping cart
20. Learn a secret handshake with someone

So here’s my challenge to you: Do any one of the above activities and get a photo of you in action. There’s a spot on my left sidebar reserved to proudly display that special photo of YOU Staying Young. Anyone can submit a photo, but I’ll only put one up (okay, maybe 2 or 3) for at least one month (okay, maybe longer). It just depends what the response is. So, if you want to be in my jealousy-provoking Eternal Youth Hall of Fame, leave a comment below. Well, leave one anyway, but specifically tell me if you’ve got The Right Stuff! (GrannyAnn, I’m putting my money down on You.)

Check out this fun 16-second example of an elaborate secret handshake (which is the only way to go, if you don’t want anyone infiltrating your secret club).

Related Posts:
5 Double Dog Dares For You
Live Enthusiastically: Break Some Rules!
5 Simple Ways To Amuse Yourself During The Workday
Everybody Says They Want To Stay Young, But…
8 More Tactics To Fight The Fogey In You
Can You Put The Fun In Funeral?

Theme Song from the TV Show “Three’s Company”

For the last couple of generations, many kids grew up watching alot of TV. There were plenty of engaging shows. Back then, I used to want to live on the shows, either because of the house or the family members. For example, I totally wanted to be part of Family Ties, like as a neighbor. Of course it was because I had a huge crush on Alex P. Keaton (Michael J. Fox) and admired his financially-savvy ways.

And there was a show called “Family” with Kristy McNichol; they had this beautiful house in Pasadena in a gorgeous neighborhood. As a kid, I wished I had a friend like Kristy’s character so I could go to her spacious house and hang out.

Anyhoo, my favorite fantasy house was Jeannie’s bottle in I Dream of Jeannie. If I could, I’d replicate her bottle-home in one of my bedrooms, tacky as it sounds. Oh, and I definitely wanted to have a hut on Gilligan’s Island. Loved the hammock beds. I also wanted to live in the Three’s Company Santa Monica apartment and go to the Regal Beagle for drinks, even though I was under-age.

Was there ever a TV show where you wished you lived on the set? My Ultimate Wish was to live on Sesame Street. Forget about Disneyland, THIS would have been the happiest place on Earth for me.

Related Post:
What’s Your Theme Song?